Who Are My People?

2007 ARCHIVE


One of the most frightening things for me has been wondering if the people that have been a part of my life would be able to love me through my own process. I honestly did not know, but I knew that I could not continue the way I was... denying my own journey. I wanted people to know that I had some major life issues that I was working through... that it was my turn to need someone. I hoped that the empathy that I had extended to others would be extended to me. I wanted someone to cry with me, like I had cried with so many, to encourage me and walk with me through my dark hours.

Then I thought about this…

Sometimes I think we have a notion that if we love people in a certain way then they will understand that is how we desire to be loved and love us back that way. It may seem like common since knowledge, but…

What if God called us into people’s lives to serve a purpose that they would not ever be able to fulfill in ours?

What if we have been successful at touching lives and people so far because we are flowing in our natural gifts of hospitality, wisdom, service, teaching, encouragement, mercy or benevolence?

But… what if God was going to use different people to pour into us, than those we have poured into?

Wow… that kinda shatters a lot of theories I have based my life upon, but then again, God is God and he knows what we need…right?

I mean then, is there no relational intimacy except in marriage and blood relations?

Or is there still an inner circle of people that God has called into your life - your spiritual family - that goes deeper than mere flesh and blood?

And how is that bond created? Is it through familiarity…? Or time…?

Is it something that connects on the inside of you where you both just know it’s there?

Or… could it be that it is in ADVERSITY that you find out who your inner circle - your family -actually is?

I have cried out many times...

"O God!!! Define these people in my life. I realize that people can not take me where they have never been. Help me understand what is happening in this season. Help me to see clearly. I will wait for You to speak to me… to move for me… I do not want to be crushed again. I really need You, Lord, to pour into me. I won’t try to tell you how to do it, but I will expect You to do something! PLEASE, HELP MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"

_________________________

The results...

I waited and waited and waited for GOD.
At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn't slip.
He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,
A praise-song to our God.
More and more people are seeing this:
They enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to GOD.
(Psalm 40:1-3, Message Bible)

To Be a Blessing...

2007 ARCHIVE

You look out towards the vast waters in total amazement as you make final preparations. You smile with satisfaction as you look upon your ships battleship grey shine. It is equipped with an over abundance of supplies for you, your family and those you have been assigned to influence. At the bow of the ship is the Light to guide you through the darkness that you have been told awaits you.

You’re dazed for a quick moment as you remember the tests of past seasons that have prepared you for this day. Are you ready? Yes... You are ready! You have prayed, had the pep talk and everything is now in position. Your body is seized with excitement as you’re sent off with blasts of radiant cheers from relatives, friends and fellow laborers that are still on the shore lines waving good-bye. There is nothing in front of you now but open sea and opportunity.

Time passes and many hours have gone by. The shore line has disappeared now and is only a faint memory behind you. Your enthusiasm is still on edge as you anticipate your first encounter. Out of nowhere, the darkness engulfs the ship like a thick blanket. The ship’s bright guiding Light automatically comes on, but you only have sight for 4 to 5 yards in front of you. After several more hours pass, the waiting and silence becomes more desperate. You begin to wonder, “Where are the people whose lives I am supposed to touch? Did I make this all up in my mind? Is this how it is supposed to be?”

Suddenly, not knowing how it happened, you steered directly into a small ship, badly tattered from battle. You look around your craft and find many supplies that could be of help. You are encouraged as you minister to the need. One by one, you notice lights coming into focus all around you. Your excitement and anticipation grows as you gain confidence from assisting those who cross your path.

The other crafts are very diverse. Some are yachts, full of grandeur. Others are much more modest sailboats. While with some of the other watercrafts, have been terribly neglected and look as if they are about to sink. All of them, however, have a need and are calling out to you for help.

Then, out of no where, “Thud!” Your ship comes to a complete halt. You wave your light back and forth to see what has stopped you. You have bumped into a ferry full of wounded people and you notice many more dim lights headed your way, with others surrounding you like hungry sharks.

You grip yourself and take authority over the overwhelming feelings of doubt and fear that are trying to arrest your courage. From the midst of the chaos, a gentle smooth breeze floats over the war torn canvas and whispers to you, “Lo, I am with you always… My grace is sufficient… Look at your brothers and sisters in need… I have created you 'to be a blessing’…”

Musical Whoredom

2007 ARCHIVE

For some, this statement may seem a bit crass, but others of you will understand my referencing music to whoredom. Actually, I believe that most people have or will, at some point in their lives, long for something so much, that they would consider doing anything to get it. Can you relate?

Many would debate whether there is a ‘thing’ for each of us, that left unchallenged by a jealous God, would cause us to ‘lose our souls’ to get it. “What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?” (Mark 8:36-37) I believe that although we don’t all give in to it, we wouldn’t be human if we aren’t tempted in this way.

1 John 2:16-17 gives this admonition, “Don't love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from Him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.” (Message Bible)

I have thoughtfully considered my own life and realize that I had been participatitng in musical whoredom. I was more dignified about it as time moved along, but it was whoredom, none the less.

In the past, I have been caught up in many musical relationships that required nothing of those with whom I was involved. I was okay with whatever attention I did or didn’t receive because of my own need and desire. If I had any small bit of validation thrown my way or seemed to be important in their lives, I was okay and would coo like a songbird, regardless of whatever else was going on. I believed that the only way that I could move further or advance musically was to deal with all the nonsense that was dished out to me. I settled for gratification that could be felt immediately, but was fleeting and left me hollow inside.

As time went on, I grew tired of being used. I raised my standards and told some people, “NO!” I required that people displayed a certain amount of respect for me, but still I was giving myself away for far less than what I was worth. At that point, I would have been considered a “high, classed w'ho're”. I still did not understand how much I underestimated my worth and how it had affected so many of my relationships with others.

I was eventually able to break away and be joined to my One True Love. He loves me for who I am and not what I can do for Him. I dedicated myself to Him and found my real value and discovered that He had given me a new song to sing. I saw the significance of the melodies God had placed in me.

The specific details of my destiny are known only by God, as the future usually is, but this one thing is for sure. I will never be a whore for music again. I am a complete package. That’s ME… with all my uniqueness, my expressiveness, my intensity and… my PASSION.

Mm-mmm… No more free milk here! I am chosen! Are you?

V - I - C - T - __ - __ (Victim or Victor)

2007 ARCHIVE

Have you ever crossed the path of someone you looked up to... You know that person with the personality and influence that intrigues you? You want to say ‘Hello’, but choke-up because the window of opportunity came and went so fast. So, you settle with getting eye contact and delivering the old crimped ‘Hi, I would say hello, but my confidence ran the other way’ smile. They pass us as if we were an invisible ghost. Oh-No! Now comes the ‘I am less than’ feelings followed by thoughts of ‘Who does he think he is?’ or ‘She ain’t all that!’. Before you know it, we’ve lost control of our ship; ripping that person and ourselves apart with unthoughtful phrases.

Well, I recently had a similar scenario. I just chose to respond a little differently. One evening after an event, I saw that familiar face in the main lobby. We weren’t close associates and may have only bumped into each other every now and then. I believe the encounter was more uncomfortable for me than it was for the other person. After all, this person was well known, respected, and influential in this particular venue. I hesitated to speak, I guess because of my lack of belief in myself. I had made myself to believe that I didn’t matter and that I was probably about to hold this person up from some more important conversation with more important people.

I had it all premeditated within milliseconds, as we began to approach one another. As we crossed paths we caught eyes. I quickly turned and chose to act as if this person was just another face in the crowd and invisible. It happened so quickly. Wow! Afterward I felt so awful! That wasn’t me. Thinking back, I shouldn’t have allowed my feelings take over that way and cause me to act out of character.

Avoiding people because of personal issues, fears, insecurities can and will always work against us. You know, Jesus wasn’t one to avoid uncomfortable encounters. He never chose to make excuses for who He was or what He was assigned to do. No matter who he came in contact with, it never shook Him from being sincere and true to Himself or His call. He met all challenges head on and embraced every experience and confronted all opportunities as it were His last. Whether blind Bartimaeus, the woman with the issue of blood, the tax collector, the Sadducees, Pharisees or even His appointment with the Cross; Jesus chose to be ‘The Victor’ not ‘A Victim’. A Victim reacts with fear and pride. The Victor responds from a place of confidence and understanding.

You may be saying to yourself, “That’s Jesus! If I could heal people or turn water into wine, then ‘mine’ enemies would be scattered, too.” Well, this is not about our abilities, it’s about TRUST. Trust that God can and will forgive, heal and deliver us out of life's challenging situations. When we understand this, we are also able to release people and ourselves so that we are no longer held captive.

I read a quote the other day that said: “If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.” You are that Victor! Fear is just an unanswered challenge. Answer the challenge! Choose to walk in freedom and know that your Heavenly Father is faithful and “He's gotcha back!”

Gene

What Remains...? RUINS!

2007 ARCHIVE

I found out that I had leftover ‘ruins’ of things that I was never intended to carry. Mine were ruins of things that I had never grieved or processed or ever wanted to talk about because I thought they made me look weak. Over the years somehow I have believed that I was stronger if I could just ‘move on’. I took those remains and put them in a little hidden closet labeled ‘DISAPPOINTMENTS’. I never dealt with the things in that closet. I just hid them there and pushed the door shut. One day, I went to throw one more thing in the closet, but it had become too full and had reached its capacity. Everything in the closet fell out and overtook me.
God showed me that I needed to deal with my disappointments and personal issues and not simply tuck them away in my heart. I needed to grieve the fact that circumstances are not as I had hoped they would be in certain areas in my life. I now understand that I have permission to be human and grieve those things and God has used these situations to show Himself faithful in my life and strengthened my faith in the process.

I think I had been focusing on living in a safe zone, so much so that I had not allowed myself to feel what was going on inside me. I had not focused on the needs that I have.

Well, I am at a place now where I am willing to admit I do not have it all together...
I don’t have all the answers to my life's issues …
I don’t know what’s really going on all the time…
And sometimes... I don’t get it.

During these times, I worship and allow God to overtake me and heal my soul. I enjoy His presence. I am understanding that the problem I had been having is being courageous enough to trust God and being confident that, when I jump, HE will truly keep my foot from stumbling and not let me fall.

Selah…. Pause and think about that…

______________________________________________

God—you're my God! I can't get enough of you!
I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts.
So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory.
In your generous love I am really living at last!
My lips brim praises like fountains.
I bless you every time I take a breath;
My arms wave like banners of praise to you.
(Psalm 63:1-4, Message Bible)

My Passion for My Men

2007 ARCHIVE

I used to be uncomfortable when I was singing. I was always trying to figure out how I could authentically express myself in praise and worship to God without going ‘too far’. How much expression is too much expression when I am singing? Does this sound too sensual? Am I moving too much? Do those notes sound holy? Is there really a right way to do this? Can there be too much passion when you are singing for God?

I believe the right way to do it is to sing from the abundance of what God has placed in you, the way that you feel it. That will look different for everyone, however, when we are open to the Spirit’s influence, I believe we open portals for others to experience God in a new way. I believe that as we enjoy the presence of God, it is easier for others enjoy Him, as well.

As I have grown, I have chosen to use my expressions to celebrate the freedom that God has poured over me.

Freedom to love my Savior...
Freedom to love myself...
Freedom to love those who love me and those who don't quite know what to do with me...
Freedom to sing, dance and enjoy myself in the presence of my Creator.
My outstretched arms and leap of joy signify that my spirit is free from bondages and I am choosing to live in liberty.

My outstretched arms and leap of joy signify that my spirit is free from bondages and I am choosing to live in liberty.

I am fortunate in that I am able to flow with Gene as he plays and we are able to share our music together. When we are truly connected in our music, it feels like we are ONE. There is nothing like it! That means that, when we minister together, I am able to express my passion for the two main men in my life...

JESUS and GENE

My Place in this World...

2007 ARCHIVE

I have been burdened for many years trying to find 'my space' in this big world. Newly married, Andrea and I had our first two sons and there I was… Thinking.... I had a good job. We went to church. We were happy… I guess. It just felt like I wasn’t gaining any ground in life. I felt trapped, like I was going through the motions. Up and down... Back and forth... Going to church only seemed to give temporary relief and then it was off to work on Monday. I had this ‘time to make the donuts’ attitude. And didn’t realize that this approach to life I chose was sifting the life right out of me, my family and my dreams. After while, even church began to become a chore. Many times I asked God, “What’s Your will for my life and where does our music fit into your plan?” I pay my tithes, I’m faithful at work. Other people seem to be excelling, but what about me.

When I look back on my situation I realize I fell into what I believe is one of the most highly destructive lifestyles a person could fall into - COMPLACENCY!

The Symptoms:
Feelings of dryness and fatigue, which open the door to a barrage of negativeideas; murmuring, complaining, and negative comparisons.

The Attack:
It is subtle and hard to detect because it usually comes in when times are good, easy going and under control. We think were getting a little R&R but the luring touch of complacency caresses us into a deep self-centered state of, ‘WOW! Look Mom, No Hands!’

The Results:
Before we know it, its sticky, gooey death grip suffocates our passions and dreams. It dries out every bit of creative moisture we need too engage life. The bottom line is that we trade-in the victories we worked so hard for, for a few moments of self-indulgence, bringing into jeopardy our relationships with God, ourselves and others.I allowed this mood of complacency into my life. It began to taint my way of thinking. I began to let my circumstances overshadow my relationship with God. I became more self-serving and my relationships with people also began to suffer.

As God’s creation, we are created for relationships just as God is in relationship with us (Genesis 1:26-28; 2:18). Drea and I call this relational intimacy between God, ourselves and others a Harmonic Connection (Mark 12: 29-31). It is best described when two or more individuals with different purposes and functions have the ability to work well together. The result is achieving a goal that could not have otherwise been accomplished alone. With this relational truth in mind, I began to take the focus off myself and began to celebrate others.

So, how are things now? My faith is taking precedence over the facts of life’s circumstances. I have rejected complacency and have begun to experience God’s overflow in my life.

GOD-Song

2007 ARCHIVE

One evening, I was driving down the expressway very hurt and upset and crying about our music ministry. Through my sobs, I heard God whisper this question to me: “What are the angels doing right now around my throne?” I responded that they were worshipping. He asked me what they were saying. Instantly, I remembered the scriptures about the angels in the throne room of God and began to weep harder.

Combined, Isaiah 6:1-3 and Revelation 4:8 read something like this: “I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of His robe filled the temple. Above Him were living creatures, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling one to another. Day and night they never stopped saying: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come. The whole earth is full of His glory.”

He also reminded me of 1 Samuel 16:23 and how when Saul was tormented by an evil spirit, David would play his harp to calm him cause the evil spirit to leave him.

God used these verses to affirm us as a minstrel and psalmist. He enjoys our adulation towards Him. The angels’ worship around His throne was pleasing to him and also prompted others to worship as well.

I am encouraged now when God gives us simple choruses and phrases and melodies. I know that there is a place for these expressions and that these ‘God-songs’ have great affect with peoples' souls.

Check Points!

2007 ARCHIVE

Anyone that spends any amount of time around us finds out that we are a bit OFF and silly together. Because we were best friends before we ever thought of marriage, and still are, every now and then, we act more like brother and sister than husband and wife. Sometimes, the line can get blurry. That means that when we are too playful with one another there are plenty of opportunities for offences and hurt feelings.

One way we have sought to remain friends, as well as, keep our marriage relationship intimate is to periodically have ‘Check Points’. This is when we share offences that have occurred and seek to reconcile our differences. These 'Check Points' happen as often and sporadically as necessary to keep us harmoniously connected. They are tough encounters, especially when we each believe that our behavior is acceptable. For the good of our relationship, however, and respect for the other’s concerns, we adjust and try to accommodate the other person.

‘Check Points’ don’t only apply to marriage. We believe they are necessary for any relationship where the people involved are continually growing. Every now and then, it’s important to regroup. To find out where each person is in the relationship and how their dreams, aspirations and expectations are changing.

Make time for 'Check Points' in your relatonships. See if there are any adjustments that need to be made to assure that you continue to grow together and not apart.

Can You FEEL Me?

2007 ARCHIVE

At the end of a grueling hard day’s work, how many of us head home to look for that place of refuge. Instead we are met at the door by our loved ones and, without warning, get that last quart of energy SAPPED away with, “Hey babe, you mind starting with the kitchen painting now.” Then of course, we retaliate with much ‘love and compassion’, “MAN! Let me catch my breath! I just walked in the door!” Well, that outburst just destroyed the video date night and before you know it, the evening is ruined.

Ok, it hurts when our good works go unnoticed. But it’s a blow to the mid-section when our spouses are not connected to our life issues. We protest, “They should understand!” Well, that’s our first mistake. We forget that neither of us was born equipped with the ability to be professional listeners or communicators. It’s a learned behavior and it takes time to develop good communication habits.

There have been many trials and errors with me and Drea’s communication. Over the years we have learned the importance of investing into this area. We frequently enroll in marriage courses and have talked to mentors and friends to help us communicate more effectively. I discovered how useless ‘lip service and pointing the finger’ are and how using more ‘ears and heart’ began to soften her heart towards me.

My first breakthrough came when I read a Steven Covey quote that said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” That was a tough, because I was challenged to listen to her point first, rather than think of a rebuttal as she was speaking. After I heard her all the way through, I could see her point and, as we communicated about the ‘real’ issues, we often forgot why we were arguing in the first place.

Then came the lesson of all lessons - empathetic listening. This is us attempting to put ourselves in the other’s shoes to try to understand how each person is feeling. The emphatic listening really communicates love to Drea. I am not only understanding her, but relating with her based on similar issues I have encountered in my own life.

This is similar to our relationship with Jesus (Heb 4:15-16). Jesus wanted us to know that he understood and related to all of our issues. As married folks, living under Jesus’ blood stained banner of love, our goal should be to love beyond ourselves to reach our spouses. Remember, no matter how things may seem in the heat of a discussion, ‘your spouse is not the enemy’. The enemy is the one who seeks to destroy marriages and bring discord into home. Don’t let him into your house!!! And if he is already there... KICK HIM OUT!!!

This is a challenging area in marriage, but when it is pursued in love and faith, it brings healing and satisfaction into our relationships. After almost fifteen years of marriage, Drea and I are still making strives to maintain our intimacy. We’re constantly reaching beyond ourselves to serve, respect, forgive and discover new things about each other during each new season of our lives. We get our intimacy from what we have learned through our relationship with Jesus and use it on each other.

Relationship is an investment. Take your communication to the next level!

'11 Days or 40 Years'

2007 ARCHIVE

I remember the first time I really understood what happened to the children of Israel in the wilderness. I was amazed… They wandered in the wilderness for forty years along a route that only took eleven days to travel. Because of disobedience, they missed out on the ‘land flowing with milk and honey’ until forty years later.

Aren’t we all just like that sometimes? Have you ever received an order from God like the one God gave them in the first chapter of Deuteronomy. He said: "You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Break camp and advance… See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land…”

The Spirit further ministered to me that I could choose the (short) route of obedience or the (much longer and intense) route of rebellion. I was convicted, but still found God’s request rather challenging for me, although it was very simple. All He asked me to do was to FORGIVE. What?!!! That is often easier said than done.

He reminded me, “The course of your life is affected more by the way you treat people than the way they have treated you.” What He spoke to my heart I have found to be true in most of my relational situations. When I am having a tough time getting along with people, it is often because I am not being obedient to Christ’s command to love my neighbor as I love myself and do good to those who treat me terrible. In those times, I am neither exhibiting the characteristics of Christ, nor loving unconditionally the way He did. Now don’t get me wrong, we should have standards in our relationships, but unforgiveness is a dangerous place to set up camp.

What does any of this have to do with ‘11 days or 40 years’? Well, God showed me how my willingness to cooperate with His command to forgive would eventually spill over into other areas of my life. When I release people from offenses I am actually releasing myself from the bondages associated with unforgiveness. Matthew 6:14-15 says, If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

I have traveled the ’40 years’ route many times. So often I have held grudges against people and refused to forgive them. Actually, some of them lasted for years. In retrospect, I believe that, in many areas of my life, I was hindered and I even believe that often, God’s manifestation of His promises were delayed until I complied with His command to forgive.

Offenses will come. Luke 17:1 says they will come, but these days I am choosing the ‘11 day’ trip more often than the ‘40 years’. I am working very hard to forgive and release people quickly so that I remain free. I found out that FORGIVENESS is a beautiful place to live.

God told the children of Israel, "You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Break camp and advance…”

I have walked around the mountain of ‘offense’ long enough.

What about you?

Embrace the Journey!

2007 ARCHIVE

Imagine this…

You have been hanging out on the shore line with some of your friends. You each have a boat resting along the shoreline. The boats are different colors and sizes and each has a unique design.
You have been on many of the boats docked along the edge of the water. You have journeyed with many people, while others you have provided supplies for, especially when they were traveling to waters that were unfamiliar to you. It’s not a problem for you. You never mind sharing what you have and it actually makes you feel good to feel needed.

One day as you are running from boat to boat, you notice your boat. It is docked and not being used at all. It’s just sitting there. As others return they are strengthened and built-up. Their boats have been refurbished and sharpened for the next voyage. Meanwhile, the paint on your boat looks new, but is peeling… Upon further inspection you realize that your supplies are heavily depleted and your boat is in need of repairs.

There is no cause for alarm because you are confident that someone in a neighboring boat will be able to assist you. You expect that because you have been on so many voyages with others. You suspect that there would be so many people wanting to journey with you that there would be too many passengers for your little boat to handle. Instead what you find is that those you thought would be able to go with you either choose not to go or are ill-equipped to accompany you on your journey. Some of them try to provide rations and supplies, while others simply wave good-bye.

How can a one neglect his or her own journey for so long? How can people ignore their own need to process LIFE? It is potentially devastating to find yourself surrounded by those you love one moment and then, in the next, alone during a season that seems unbearable to endure by yourself. Ultimately, it is each individual’s responsibility to maintain their own ‘boats’ (Matt 10: 35-39), but when we find ourselves lacking in some area of our lives, it is reassuring to know that we are not alone.

One of the enemy’s common schemes is to overtake us is by persuading us to isolate ourselves. One way he does that is by convincing us that no one understands how we feel or has ever experienced what we are going through (Heb 4:15). Or we believe the lie that we don’t need anyone. Neither of these thoughts is true. We are made for relationships and made to know and be in fellowship with others. This doesn’t only refer to the marriage bond or closeness experienced in worship to God. We need other people, too.

As Christians, we quickly remind one another that ‘all we really need is Jesus’, but Jesus left a different example for us in his relationships with His disciples. There were those that He asked to accompany Him where no others were invited. Similarly, I believe that God has given us a desire to have intimate fellowship and friendship. It isn’t necessarily easy because those that are the closest to us have the greatest potential to cause us pain. Jesus experienced that when He found Peter, James and John sleeping during one of the most challenging times of His earthly life and ministry.

It’s always someone’s turn to embark on a journey. Sometimes the person will choose to go alone or sometimes they take others with them. How do you know who is supposed to go with you? I’m not sure but, perhaps those who are willing to inconvenience themselves and are able to journey with you by supporting you are people God has brought into your life for this part of your journey in one way or another. These people are invaluable not simply because of the compassion they offer us, but also for the accountability they are able to bring to our lives.